MATADOR

Hello Matador, Sunshine Eyes, and Y'all,

       As you read this brief note, I hope all is well with each of you, family members within your household, and colleagues. Just a few more days until February is over - I do not want to get caught up with the other side this month. As you all know, strange things also happen during the month of Black History, which started in 2014, and I look forward to when it is over.

       On February 1, 2021, just a pinch after midnight, I was still awake, and placed on my mind were events that happened around Port Saint Lucie, FL. Do you remember the stories I shared about the police officers-in-training? After seeing my neighbor (now retired from the force) around town, I would approach his vehicle to say, "Hello," and we would chit-chat for a moment. Then I would flick my thumb over and or nod my head to the side and say, "Who's the rookie?" 

       We would laugh - and I remembered one male trainee's eyes flickered, a look of shock on his face, and he asked how we knew each other: We are neighbors. I do not know how many times I saw him around town. But one day, I saw my neighbor with another Caucasian male, and after I approached his vehicle to speak with him, there was something about this trainee. His demeanor was different than the other officers-in-training, and after my neighbor introduced us, I referred to him as Officer [and his] Last Name.

       Sometime after that, I went over to his house to chit-chat - had questions. I AM unsure if this was when we spoke about forensic photography school, which I still had an interest in but never pursued, or after a tragic law enforcement event in another state. For some reason, I brought up the former trainee and talked about the Dallas Police Officers. My neighbor looked at me and said that the other officer was a former Dallas Police Officer. 

       As you all know, I have a history with this department: Former male officers, ride-along, due to a dream I knew who wore what kind of underwear, feeling sick when around them because I knew someone would kill a Dallas Police Officer between the eyes (forehead). I thought it would be one of them, especially after asking whether he (they) had life insurance - he was concerned, and I did not want him to worry and did not tell him (them) what was on my mind. And the unknown Black male Dallas Police Officer wearing sunglasses in-doors who told me to stay out of the center lane on 35, after which in the center lane a semi-trailer truck without his rig passed me pushing a burgundy-red luxury vehicle - all survived.

       Writing this brief story is not about the Port Saint Lucie and Dallas Police Officers but Vice-President Kamala Harris. "Who's the rookie?" and memories of the rookies were on my mind, as the lead-in stories leading up to what comes next that the other side outlined and wanted me to know.  

       Before 3:30 AM, I tried to withhold my laughter, coughed aloud because I was tickled, and woke up Leonard and Ranger 1. He asked if I was OK? "Yes," I replied. Lil' Ranger came into the living room and sat at my feet as I typed. On my mind was "Pioneer" (allegedly Harris' chosen Secret Service code name), "First, but not the Last" (Harris' referred to herself after the 2020 election), and "The Rookie" - all the same thing that the other side indicated. Someone (I do not know who) referred to Vice-President Kamala Harris as "The Rookie." Who on the other side would have the balls to state so?

Hello Matador, Sunshine Eyes, and Y'all,

       I hope you all had a wonderful pre-Valentine's and Valentine's Day as I did, wink, wink. This year I wanted to do something different on Valentine's Day instead of Leonard buying me things and a special dinner. No cards, no chocolates, no flowers, and no special dinner and gifts - instead, we went fishing in the evening for crappie and had a great time, Ranger 1, too. We got our limit. We also went fishing again the day after Valentine's Day - we got our limit. 

       At the fishing dock, a Caucasian male asked how my Valentine's Day was, and I told him that we went fishing, and he gave me a thumb's up. I asked him how his Valentine's was. His wife was upset because she was in Kentucky, surrounded by three inches of ice, which meant she was chilling on ice while he was fishing it up in Florida. 

       Sometime two weeks ago, I told Leonard while in bed that I did not realize menopause would be this good. I tried to fight it off because I did not want to go through menopause. The OB/GYN told me that if I did not menstruate for one year from April 20, 2019, I would have entered menopause. But I had a cycle on January 19, 2020, and I did not know until early January 2021 that I had already hit menopause as of November 2020's bloodwork for the pellets.

       When I think back on the process, it was late 2017 when I felt as though an intense sauna turned on inside of me. I have had hot flashes and sweats since the age of 16, and I believed that my hot flashes would lessen leading up to menopause - nope. But late 2017, a few internal sauna sessions hit me. In the summer of 2019, the migraines reappeared temporarily, and the internal sauna returned in August after I used my progesterone cream. I thought a pharmacist changed my formula, nope. I stopped using it, and the internal sauna disappeared. My mood intensified, too, to the point that Leonard warned his male friends because I was verbally cutting loose.

       I AM in menopause heaven! Leonard, too. The great thing - no condoms! Early last fall, I told Leonard that I could not do sex anymore - too much pain. I thought my only option was to return to pellets. My pellet doctor wanted to juice me up with a new prescription, but I declined when I heard the price: $100+. He said the pellets would then kick in. I decided to wait for the pellets to work their magic. Leonard and I realized it was the condoms giving me hell all these years! My only thought is, I do not want to be in Sarah's situation - if it happens, you all can help babysit. 

       Sometime in September 2020, I had a one-way conversation with God and Israel about Mumsy's final hour - that I was mentally letting her go for my own Peace of mind, meaning do not worry. Allowing them to care for her, but with a stipulation. As long as she's enjoying herself, please do not come for her. Shortly after that, I felt my mental health slowly strengthened. 

       Think back to 2014 and beyond: The Happiest Moments on the other Website. "If I relapsed into a mindset that is unbearable, the Big Fish Tale Stories told [they] will have a huge impact to place me back to my most happiest moments in life" (2014). 

       As you know, on the fourth day of Mumsy's COVID-19 hospitalization, I felt this Peace come over me to lessen my stress (burden) (paraphrase) and knew it was God. Well, shortly after that, on my mind was one word in the last story, which put a smile on my face without laughter: Spit, Just Like That Father, Spit, Just Like That Son. Why? 

       Well, shortly after I wrote the story, I returned to reread it, and then I howled so loudly that my laughing hyena ran through because I misspelled one word in paragraph two: Successively. I knew then that I had to keep it in the story to achieve the same reaction when I mentally experienced something unbearable. When I wrote the story, on my mind was the word 'successfully,' but I typed 'successively,' as though I was hitting it every day around the clock.

       As you know, I was concerned that I would not return to being the person I once was and willing to carry on. Sometime late last year, I was looking for something among my writings throughout the years, and then I started reading. My writings helped me remember the type of person I AM - I shared many stories, funny stories, and even my undiagnosed dyslexia had a hand in them. One of which I switched what Michelle Obama said - "When they go low, we go high, but I wrote - when they go high, we go low. 

       As I checked my cellphone calendar, I saw that I wrote a note on September 12, 2020, Are Rachel and Henry expecting a baby? It was not until Halloween when I had the dream - eating for two. I AM so happy that they are expecting another baby - oh, my, nice size belly bump, too. After reading Rachel's miscarriage story, I wanted to write something, and I believe it would be an excellent project. I wrote a note to myself so that I would not forget because it is time to write stories again.

       Goodnight!

Happy [early] Valentine's Day, Matador, Sunshine Eyes, and Y'all!

Hello Matador, Sunshine Eyes, and Y'all,

       Another week has almost gone by, and I AM aware that I need to finish what I started from the beginning. My nerves are up - not too much, bearable at this moment, knowing that I need to get cracking. Not so much as in time, but posting information online that is unconventional during our time. It's something, how almost ten years have gone by for the experience to happen. 

       I AM keeping it short - Ranger and I have the house all to ourselves until Leonard returns home from his fishing trip. I hope you all enjoyed the Bidenmobile picture as I did, too. At this moment, Biden has earned an imaginary vehicle because if each executive order were a commission sale, he would be the top seller to have acquired any color Bidenmobile. 

       Have a wonderful weekend and enjoy the 55th Super Bowl Game. Go, Tampa Bay Buccaneers!

Updated: February 5, 2021, 9:01 PM

Well, Hello Matador, Sunshine Eyes, and Y'all!

       Zipidity zip zip zip. I feel so much better after being physically down off and on since January 2, 2021 - I think it was from the B shot taken on December 31, 2020. Later I did not feel its boost, felt lightheaded, nearly fell over backward several times, and then on the 2nd, I told Leonard that I need to lie down because I was racing through my words and had a dizzy-like feeling. From the sofa, I went to bed.

       Days when I had a little energy, I saved them for Lil' Ranger, Leonard, and raked the garden, and after I left home, I was back in bed upon returning. The good thing about this situation was that I never felt mentally unbalanced, just physically tired as I watched TV from or read and ate in bed. Yes, after being together for almost 20 years, I moved the TV into the master bedroom for COVID-19, just in case. 

       When I was at my doctor's appointment in December, he agreed with me. He said, "No Pfizer and No Moderna vaccine for you." My doctor and I override the CDC. My doctor said that Johnson and Johnson and [Oxford]-AstraZeneca would have vaccines, but I AM only interested in Oxford-AstraZeneca and still waiting on its final data. My doctor also said, "You're the only one I know of who's unaffected by COVID isolation." As I told him, I like being alone. 

       My issue with vaccines (medications, foods as such) is the reactions. I AM too sensitive to a lot of things on the market. There is a substance on the market that acts as a nerve agent - I can still speak and move my head, but paralyzed from below my neck. I thought I was having a stroke but able to talk. Another substance affects me within a few minutes: I AM sick, nauseous, and left with a severe migraine headache after smelling it. 

       In 2005, I had a two-shot vaccine and did not feel well, but it was mild, requiring no medical attention. After eating yogurt, I made it to the ER due to a mild anaphylactic reaction. I had asthmatic responses (difficulty breathing) due to cleaners, medications, perfumes (other stuff), and after I entered Goodwill, Walmart, Panera Bread, and a doctor's office. You all do not know how it feels unless you suffered through lack of air or have seen others go through the same thing.

       On the day of the Biden-Harris Inauguration, I put Biden's license plate onto Cara Rae-Zephyr's front - the second-best behind the U.S. Army plates - Oorah! Leonard saw it and complimented on how good it looked. I said, "The Biden Mobile, Pappie. The Biden Mobile." You all know, the Batmobile - Batman!

       On the 16th, we had guests over - the family of six plus a boyfriend quarantined for either four weeks and six days or over five weeks. The family's co-heads are in the medical field and have been tested frequently since November 2020. Only five showed up because the eldest daughter and her boyfriend went back to Detroit. At first, I had everyone wearing masks until I had a good talk with the co-heads and felt that we all would be all right. The next day, I said to myself that I would not do that again.

       Last weekend, Drew drove to Miami and returned with Turtle. Do you remember what he said to his sister, the retired Palm Beach sheriff, "Sit your ass down!" She sure did. Well, Leonard and Turtle went fishing and stayed at the hotel in Okeechobee and had a great time, and then Sunday, they returned after 1:30 PM. Leonard came to the passenger side of my car and got Lil' Ranger and his bed. 

       Ranger 1 was not feeling well earlier morning, and I took him to the veterinarian. When he followed me into my bathroom, he would not look up at me, just sat with his head drooped over. He always looks up at me with his brown eyes, licks on me, or is on his back, wanting a quick belly rub or getting into some mischief. Twice I tried to pick him up, and he yelped. I called Leonard and then the vet. Lil' Ranger had blood in his urine, bladder filled with urine, elevated bloodwork, so they tested his pancreas (negative for pancreatitis). I still wanted X-rays; his hind knee caps move out of the socket. He may need orthopedic surgery later. 

       Ranger 1 was toasted (drugged up!), leaning left as he walked. He would not stay in bed, so I got what I needed and then put him on the bed. He fell over slowly to his left, and then I pulled the comforter toward me, put him on my lap so that he could sleep off the two pain injections. The vet wanted me to give him medication at 9 PM, but I did not - I waited. At 11 PM, he was wide awake, playing with papa at the edge of the bed. Leonard said to give him the pain medicine, and I did not because I do not want my dog drugged up. From the way he was moving and wagging his little tail, he was fine without pain.

       Before 11 PM, Leonard and Turtle were out on the back patio, and then I looked through the window, and Gator was at the bar with his mask hanging from his right ear. I went to the sliding glass door, gave Leonard a look, and with my lips pursed (nostrils possibly flared open), I twitched my head to the left. As I passed by after using the bathroom, Leonard and Turtle had on their masks. I assumed so did Gator. Before leaving, Leonard tried to give me a smooch, and I said, "Uh, uh!" He and Turtle went to the home that the family from Detroit, Michigan, owns to stay the night, and the next day he drove to Miami to drop Turtle off at home. 

       This past Monday, I was so tired after waking that I was back in bed after 11 AM, but first, I made sure to add lots of fruits and vegetables to my sandwich and doubled up on fruits. I slept for over seven hours, and then after I woke at 6:29 PM, I knew that my body was pulling through from whatever had a hold on me. Tuesday through Thursday, I had a little diluted coffee for the extra boost, and as of today, I did not need any. 

       This week, since I felt so much better, I cleaned the house, folded the clean laundry that had stacked up for a few weeks, and even removed spider webs and egg sacks yesterday from the outside patio screen. Of course, I took the eggs outside of the patio and rubbed the brush on the coconut tree's husk, and also dusted off the rest onto the grass. I scooped from the pool a few fallen clumps of egg sacks and placed them on the coconut tree's husk.  

       Have you all had a chance to visit The White House Website? Seeing The Biden-Harris Administration worded on its Website made me feel good. I think it was Wednesday when John Kerry talked about the climate change and said Obama-Biden Administration but only referred to Biden Administration without Harris. Shortly after that, when Biden spoke, he said the Biden-Harris Administration, and I did a pulldown fist pump. That's my man! Oh, yes, the American Sign Language (ASL) interpreter(s) was the added touch on inclusivity.  

       Before closing: To my Sunshine Eyes, yes, I saw it the first time - 2nd was a confirmation, and the 3rd, which was still on the 2nd, had me laughing. I thought about coming home but a little nervous about doing so. It has been some time since I did before. I want to make sure that you are okay with me doing so - you know, with the pandemic as such. 

Reference

Updated: January 23, 2021, 12:24 AM

Hello Matador, Sunshine Eyes, and Y'all,

       What a week! Monday's National Day of Service - my iron count was not high enough to donate blood. The woman said to wait for another five to seven days to build up my iron levels. She said I had enough for my survival but not enough to donate. My iron levels have been an issue since childhood, and yet, I still want to contribute. 

       After I saw the Bidens on The White House balcony during the fireworks display, my eyes and nose burned: Welcome Back! From the COVID-19 Memorial through to the fireworks display were, in my opinion, the best, especially for the people. The 59th Inauguration Committee did not make it about the US Congress' luncheon, wealthy donors, dignitaries, or red carpet moments; it was for the people - past, present, and future. 

       The Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool: Brian Williams (MSNBC) said it best that the lights should remain part of the memorial (paraphrase). 

       The 59th Inauguration: I watched and listened to President Joseph Robinette Biden, Jr.'s speech twice. Oh my, just typing President Biden, President Biden, President Biden made my hairs attached to the Arrector pili rise. Hmmm! Clint Eastwood's "Make My Day" - As the people in the adult lounge say, "Make It Rain!", well then, make my "Arrector Pili Rise!" Oooh, my - my laughing hyena ran through. Oh yeah, I will have fun with the 46th Administration as I did the 44th! Nothing (no one) is off-limits! - well, except for underage children. 

       The Field of Flags reminded me of Holland's spring Tulip season - the vast colors and waving sea of arrangements. 

       The Walk: "Oh, Lord," was my reaction when Biden left First Lady Dr. Jill Biden's side to speak with those on the sideline. The US Secret Service must have almost dropped a biscuit when Celtic took off running - hold onto your Capri, Celtic! The Walk was as though the Biden and Harris clan reclaimed for the people, the streets of Washington, DC.  

       As I watched Celebrating America, I listened to Demi Lovato sing "Lovely Day" (Withers, 1977) and Katie Perry's "Fireworks" (2010), each, twice. Between the two women, my ears perked up after I heard John Legend sing the first three-syllable, "Birds flying;" it was a name that tune moment, and I played it 13 times. The morning of the Inauguration, New Dawn - New Day (Nina Simone's version of "Feeling Good" (1965)) was on my mind again, so I wrote it on my Website, which will remain.

       I hope that you all enjoyed the day and evening as much as I had on January 20, 2021, and I hope that the Biden-Harris Administration's term goes by very slowly because, by the end of their term, I will be almost 59! Like a good imaginary Cuban Cigar, I want to enjoy every lasting moment of what is left before their time is up.

Reference

Updated: January 20, 2021, 10:37 AM

Hello Matador, Sunshine Eyes, and Y'all,

       There are three days to go before the three-day Biden-Harris festivities begin - five days before The 59th Inauguration. Let me see now, what are you all planning for the National Day of Service? Well, instead of signing up to do virtual things or volunteer at a local food bank or city clean up, I decided to donate blood for Sickle Cell Anemia - waiting on a callback - it may not land on the same day as the NDS, but in my heart, it still counts.

       Let us get down to business - one of the things that people like and dislike about me, or their eyes widen, is when I say (write) something straightforward that catches them off guard. After lunch (dinner) break, one former female co-worker told others in the beauty salon - do not mess with Fern's food - she scared the little Asian man at ... (in the mall). People in Hawai'i and China, Japan, and other countries know, don't mess with our rice and don't be skimpy with its serving. My face also scared my former co-worker as the Asian man kept looking up at me as he filled up my plate with more rice. 

       Let us cut to the chase: Huh, what - $1,400 stimulus check? Yes, grateful, but. It does not matter that Biden, Jr. said to consider the $600 as a downpayment. It's not presidenti; it's presidente (Pinkett, 2004) - meaning Donald Trump, Sr. is (was) the only president during his one-term to sign the financial deal. The same that Donald also did to Obama with the Dow Jones.

       Biden, Jr. said $2,000, not $1,400, will go out the door while campaigning in Georgia before the two US Senate run-offs. People worked their asses off, while others got off their's to go out and vote. After everything the voters did for him, Harris, Warnock, and Ossof, and most importantly God, this is how Biden, Jr. will do them? 

       If Biden goes back on his word, he can kiss the ground he will land on from the roughed out saddle horn lubed down smoothly with oil. Because the Biden name failed to keep a promise, which means his name no longer is his word (promise), which also means Harris', Warnock's, and Ossof's word - nil! 

       Candidates should not make promises that they may not keep once in office because God is the Owner and Creator of the Words we use. Therefore, when Biden, Jr. made a promise to God's voters (while in Georgia) - he unknowingly made the same promise to God through His Words to communicate with His voters (His people) through Him. If Biden, Jr. short changes the voters, he will have done the same to God.

       While many lost their jobs and businesses, others took out loans, used their savings accounts, and or maxed out their credit cards to buy things they would never have purchased before to survive through the COVID-19 pandemic and price gouging. 

      When we realize that we cannot hold on to the first promise made, God's Forgiveness is the solution to restart the plan all over again. Although Moses (and I) messed up, Biden, Jr. still has a chance to hold on tightly to his roughed out saddle horn to make things right. Let us sit back, wait, and see what Biden, Jr. does on behalf of God: Deal, or No Deal, is the question after he takes the Oath of Office. 

Reference 

The Apprentice, (2004). Season 4. CBS.

Updated: January 15, 2021, 10:12 PM

Hello Matador, Sunshine Eyes, and Y'all,

       What a damn (good and bad) week it was. First, before 3 AM this past Wednesday, I held Leonard in my arms before he headed out for Georgia and sang to him: "One, two, three strikes," McConnell's "out, at the old ball game" (YouTube, 2018). He smiled, laughed, finished up what he was doing, talked and embraced Ranger 1, and then out the door, he went. Earlier before the Georgia poll workers went home, and as you all did, too, I knew Raphael Warnock and Jon Ossof were on their way to winning. 

       Second, DC Mayor Muriel Bowser had the foresight but denied additional security. The U.S. Capitol Hill rioters (1/6/2021) - what in this living Hell were they thinking? Donald Trump, Sr. is responsible, too, and for the deaths, damage, and mental anguish he caused those on the other end of his and rioters' fury. My God - the first person on my mind was Mike Pence and Secret Service's safety and then Nancy Pelosi, the U.S. Congresswomen and men, staff, and as such. The video of a Black law enforcement officer running up the stairs for his safety, radioing for backup (must be), until White reinforcement arrived. The Black officer reminded me of my Black ex-boyfriend, a Texas police officer. I thought about our military personnel, the embarrassment they may feel. 

       Let this be a reminder of those in the past, the Hell they went through: Mobs, harassments, tortures, murders, riots, lootings, vandalisms, lynchings, public displays of hatred, rapes, inequality, and slavery as such. You know what? Those who say (write) go back to where you came from need to understand that other countries of their ancestry would not want them, too, after witnessing Hell and racial double-standards on my mind. In hindsight, we all seen the lack of security preparedness before The 59th U.S. Presidential Inauguration.

       Third, congratulations to President-elect Joseph R. Biden, Jr. and Vice-President-elect Kamala D. Harris - after Vice-President Mike Pence and U.S. Congress certified their Electoral College Vote a day later.

       Fourth, today, my eyes watered up as I reread the Biden, Jr. Written Works. Before then, I thanked God, His Real Son, MLK, Beau, Jack Johnson, the others on the other side, and most importantly, Shoeless Joe Jackson and his Black Betsy for maintaining my perfect 1.000 batting average record! What can I say? They were definitely correct - retirement is coming soon. 

Reference

O'Connor. (2018, September 12). Frank Sinatra and Gene Kelly - Take Me Out to the Ball Game. [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-r2luDoV9TI

Wikipedia contributors. (2021, January 2). Take Me Out to the Ball Game. In Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. Retrieved 04:39, January 9, 2021, from https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Take_Me_Out_to_the_Ball_Game&oldid=997827959

Updated: January 2, 2021, 12:54 AM

Hello Matador, Sunshine Eyes, and Y'all,

       Happy New Year's Day! 2021 - the Year of Healing. I hope that each of you enjoyed the day alone or with someone (others) that you genuinely appreciate. For me, 2021 is the year of healing: Tossed out the food scale; no more calorie and nutrient counting; no more food group amount set by others and letting go of others' recommendation[s] (nonsense) since no one knows the exact recipe on how to sustain life to live in Peace. 

       It's a personal journey, a journey that others who made the recommendation[s] then abandoned me because they refuse to take responsibility, too, for harm done to help me carry on a heavy load when things go wrong. Or when things go right, they are slow to respond and or want me to pay to hear the good news that has come my way. Or when things go right, they are slow to respond to rejoice in the good news. I AM still held responsible for the choices that I made regardless of who suggested them.

       Renewed life to live:  Research information and then decide for me - I may have to close my eyes when giving my answer to avoid their stern look and block out their verbal tone because they want to stir up my emotions to do what they would prefer me to do, which is to change my mind.

        Oooowee! I look forward to 2021 and what it has to offer.

A technical glitch with the other Website - I will soon switch this account.